Celtics DVD review

Ed's Note: Upset, perhaps, by the fact his two other brothers had written for the website and at the terrible quality of the 2008 NBA Championship DVD featuring the Boston Celtics (or both), my brother Jeff has written a review for the DVD below.

Disappointed

If this were the Yankees, this wouldn’t have happened. If it were the Lakers, it wouldn’t have happened. In fact, it didn’t happen to the New York Giants last year. So what am I talking about that “happened?” I’ll tell you…

The last time the Celtics won the Championship, I was 7 years old, and that year I saw a game at the real Boston Garden with my father and his black friend Clayton. I remember telling him that he looked like one of the guys on the court. He laughed, and my father threw a nervous smile Clayton’s way until he noticed he wasn’t upset. Actually, more interesting than going to a game with a black guy was the mini earthquake that shook the dust off the old rafters at the Garden right before halftime. When I think back now, it must have been the perfect opportunity for the best halftime speech ever.

K.C. Jones: “OK boys, now it’s our time to bring the roof down! Lets get out there after halftime and shake this place!”

McHale: “Yea Parrish, what a great time for a rim shaking tomahawk dunk!” (The whole team laughs, except Larry Bird.)

I was young then, and I know the Celtics went on to beat whoever they were playing, and then everyone else in the league for their 16^th title. Even though they had won the title two years previous in 1984, there were highlight VHS tapes of Larry Birds season, great moments and pictures from the series in books by Time Life, and press coverage for weeks. The Celtics of old eventually got old and went twenty-two long years before the “New Big Three” took Boston and the NBA back by storm. Kevin Garnett brought guts, determination, and defense back to the team. Ray Allen was a trustworthy big game sniper who like the aforementioned Garnett could have made a bid for team MVP with his clutch shooting. Paul Pierce, after nine long years of ups and many downs, (I would call getting stabbed a down…) became the All-Star that the true Boston fans knew he was, and showed that he can play, better yet out play the likes of Kobe Bryant and LeBron James on his way to his first NBA Championship. There was a host of special moments throughout the season, including a preseason trip to Rome where the Celtics learned the meaning of the word “Ubuntu,” which is a term describing the task of working together to achieve a higher goal. This term would be the lighthouse of the team, the glow that kept the ship on course throughout the season. There were special bench players that sparked the Celtics team including the defensive stopper James Posey, the icewater-in-his-veins Eddie House, and the semi-retired, but never washed up P.J. Brown. There was the motivational story surrounding Leone Powe, (yea, the Lakers apparently never heard of him either), and the rapid maturation of second year point guard Rajon Rondo. How about the conspiracy that Kevin McHale traded a perennial all-star for peanuts to the team that he had given so much to as a player? Twenty-two years ago, these stories would have become legends, they would have been talked about on talk radio for months. Fathers would have recited these stories over dinner to their sons. Hard cover books would have been written covering all of these stories, and the ones that I missed, not to mention the recaps of all the games throughout the entire season, INCLUDING each round of the playoffs and the finals!

Those of you who know me know that I am a die hard Celtics fan, and have been through the good times and bad. This Championship year brought almost as much joy to my life and definitely as much stress in my life as my wedding day. For a month and a half, I waited patiently for the inevitable Championship DVD documenting the WHOLE Celtics season to arrive at stores. When it finally did, I couldn’t wait to re-watch history being made. I purchased my copy at the nearest Modells, (“Get it at MO’s” was a common slogan featured during Celtics broadcasts this year, where else would I go?) I sat down while my wife was at work so that I could truly enjoy my new DVD. I planned on watching a little bit of the DVD each night, figuring I couldn’t get through 108 games of highlights AND the bonus features in one night. About an hour into my video I found that I was already into the Finals recaps. Fifteen minutes later I was watching a dumb video of Paul Pierce on a helicopter and Kevin Garnett talking to Bill Russell (which is awesome but not after being duped by the makers of my Celtics DVD.) Simply put, this video was a disgrace to a team that has won more NBA championships than any team in history. It is also a disgrace to any Celtics fan looking to truly relive an unbelievable story book season after 22 long years of hopes, dreams, and heartbreak. Does anyone know that Paul Pierce played against LeBron James in one of the best all-star duels ever in the playoffs? You wouldn’t from the DVD. Does anyone know that Ray Allen came into the Detroit and L.A. series in one of the worst shooting slumps of his career and almost single-handedly beat both teams at least once in the series with his deadly J? You wouldn’t from the DVD. Does anybody know that the Celtics erased a 28 point deficit to steal a crucial game in L.A. that kept them ahead in the series? Once again, you wouldn’t know from the DVD. These are just some of the moments that were briefly mentioned in the DVD that should have had their own chapter. The Giants DVD relived their entire season, including the entire Superbowl game in which they actually showed the Patriots hand the Giants the game all packaged neatly in some gift wrap. (If you don’t believe me you can look up pictures of David Tyree with a ball attached to his head-this is the picture they used on the gift wrap.) If the Yankees win, you get a three hour DVD, including a bonus sex video of Alex Rodriguez and Madonna. The Lakers video would have been the best one because of all the great stories. Kobe cheats on his wife, but is sorry and she gets a kiss during halftime, oh, and the press is there to film it. The Zen Master ties Red Auerbach for most championships. Luis Scola is not only a great shooter, he’s an Argentinean porn star and hair stylist. Luke Walton beats his Dad’s team, but Bill is just happy for his over-achieving son because he’s not nearly as good as he was. The Celtics win and you get a one hour mix tape with uneventful highlights and the longing for a re-run of “Hoosiers” as part of the bonus features to at least make you happy.

I’m disappointed. I wanted something more, and I didn’t get it. Hopefully the Celtics win again this year so that I can tape every game myself and re-watch them when I want to. If we have to wait another twenty-two years, I fear that the laser technology used in 2030 to capture the highlights will malfunction and burn the Boston fans eyes when they jubilantly attempt to “relive” the stories and memories of the season!